“I know this awesome pizza place.” (please just STFU already)

“I know this awesome pizza place.” (please just STFU already)

While I realize I may lose some popularity for this, I just have to say it. I don’t have a favorite pizza place because pizza tastes the same everywhere I go. Brookyln, Queens, Manhattan, it doesn’t make a difference.

YEAH I SAID IT. The only reason people pretend to have a favorite pizza place is the same reason people have favorite car washes, coffee shops. book stores, date spots, and bars is because they want to sound like they’ve been around the neighborhood long enough to be able to claim something.

And I’m claiming BULLSHIT.

Oh, you like this place in Williamsburg because their coffee beans are roasted? You know who else roasts their coffee beans? EVERYONE. EVERY COFFEE SHOP.

Found a pizza place with “home made” sauce in the West Village? You know who else puts garlic in their sauce like their grandmother taught them? LITERALLY LIKE, EVERY GRANDMOTHER THATS EVER MADE PIZZA. Garlic is pretty common in every recipe except for maybe Jello.

Found some interesting books at Strand on 12th and Broadway? Cool. You know which book shop has a selection of David Sedaris? EVERY BOOK STORE IN THE UNITED STATES.

And also… The date didn’t suck because the other person didn’t like your favorite place. MAYBE IT’S YOU WHO SUCKS.

So go into a new pizza place today, and order your “regular.” I promise the tomato sauce is basically the same.